I Was Shot to Death While Watching JOKER! 10/10 Would Get Shot Again

By Kyle B. Stiff

What Black Panther is to African Americans, what Captain Marvel is to feminists who don’t watch superhero movies, what Thanos is to normies, Joker is to us… gamers? I mean Nazis. I mean incels. Or whatever the label is… let’s just say it’s the people who know civilization isn’t dying, it’s being murdered.

And we know who’s doing the killing!

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Mainstream media has been warning us about Joker, and for good reason: It gives voice to people who are sick of the degeneration of civilization. It’s been obvious for a long time that Hollywood is a cult, and it’s their job to present a gospel of life improving through lefty values and diversity indoctrination. That’s their job. They want us watching Captain Marvel and Disney Star Wars, not Joker, and they’re willing to push the idea that incels will shoot up a theater full of incels (huh?) to get their way. Of course, we all know what’s going on. We know civilization isn’t collapsing because the traditional values that have guided nations for thousands of years suddenly went past the sell-by date and now we have to make a frantic switch to atheist feminist Communism or else the world will burn up.

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But before you get too excited about Joker – and it is worth getting excited about – let’s get one thing straight: It’s not conservative or right-wing or trad or anything like that. It’s not even what Blade Runner 2049 was for us (a story about the Last White Guy doing his job and being hated while the world falls apart). While the creative minds behind Joker were definitely tapping into the collapse and the outrage we feel, that collapse and that outrage are still shown from a deeply left-leaning perspective. Remember, Thomas Wayne is rich and says insensitive things about the poor, Joker requires “free” mental health counseling, and the rioters carry signs that say RESIST, which is the battle cry of the Anti-Drumpf Orange Man Bad NPC Elite.

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In fact, Joker kind of reminded me of Back to the Future 2. Remember how that movie strangely predicted Trump’s presidency, as well as his ability to travel through time? Through the character of Biff Tannen, the makers of Back to the Future 2 clearly knew what was coming. However, instead of seeing it as an interesting cultural event and an opportunity to prune back the weeds of liberalism spreading through college indoctrination and Hollywood propaganda, the makers of that film saw it as a dystopian hellscape where white biker gangs roamed the streets shooting at teachers without any clear reason. Really, go back and look at that movie. It’s never explained exactly why the future is so dark, why white people have suddenly turned into violent savages – they just kind of did, and somehow it was Biff Tannen’s fault!

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So it’s a case of the oracle receiving a message from the gods, but the message is fractured by the unfortunate retardation of the human medium. While Joker is undeniably appealing to conservative men who feel impotent in the face of societal collapse, Joker is actually a snapshot of a liberal man lost in a sea of raging emotions and without any sort of rational compass that he can use to get a reality check. While we each retreat within our opposing bubbles, Joker is kind of an unexpected re-acquaintance with the lefty mindset. The fact that conservative men can relate just shows how tolerant and empathetic they are – imagine that!

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Remember, this movie was made by someone in Hollywood, not outside of it. Without doing any research, I’m going to go out on a limb (but not really) and say the director is a lefty, probably Jewish, and he thinks President Trump speaks a coded language that “dog whistles” (love that goofy term) secret messages to white nationalists and Russian handlers. I promise I will not even take the ten seconds required for a Google search to see if I’m right or not – I mean, do I need to at this point?

Anyway, the point is that this story is going to have a lefty slant to it, so I think Joker is a great example of what a liberal male would do if he was in the same position that a lot of white, conservative males are in. Unlike Officer K who kept going to work and pushed his emotions deep, deep down, Joker lashes out with unrestrained emotion. This dude even climbs into his… but I won’t spoil it! But god damn, guys – he really climbed in that thing, didn’t he?!

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The way Joker got a gun is a perfect example of this story coming from a liberal perspective. This paragraph will be a little spoilery, sorry. But Joker essentially has a gun forced on him by an alpha male who calls the ethnic kids who beat him “savages”. This is a liberal nightmare in technicolor – they don’t see gun rights as something that a person can choose to opt out of, because they don’t really understand choice. Sorry guys, but it’s true. The idea that a white bully would force someone to take a gun is top shelf liberalism, it’s something only they could imagine. It’s the same way you and your buddy don’t hold each others’ dicks while taking a piss. Your unit is yours, and his is his. But liberals tend not to believe in free will, and they think people can be converted to bad ideas without effort. That’s why they’re so big on censorship, banning, and deplatforming. That’s not a critique, that’s just the way it is.

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The fact that right off the bat we are shown that Joker is mentally ill favors my hypothesis. It’s kind of a meme at this point, but as long as you don’t get in a liberal’s face and accuse them of being mentally ill, they will readily discuss their collection of mental illnesses. Most of them are quite open about whatever it is they happen to have, whether it’s depression or anxiety or Asperger’s or ADHD or gender dysphoria or whatever. Most conservatives don’t get excited about having a mental illness, they don’t think it’s cool or interesting, in fact they tend to see it as something that should be overcome rather than something that adds spice and flavor to personality.

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Another great example of the liberal perspective is the bullies on the train – the business suit-wearing alpha males. This scene struck me as a little unrealistic, but I think it really shines a light on the liberal perspective. Years ago I lived in DC and I used the metro all the time. I was comically impoverished back then, and everything I wore was donated or bought from a thrift store. I saw lots of upwardly mobile suited types on the metro, and they never gave me any trouble. In fact, they ignored me, because they were interested in their own lives, which is understandable. The only trouble I ever got was from… well, how do I say it without getting in trouble? We’ll say “urban youths”. We all know this is how it is, but I think the liberal pain in this scene is very real. They feel a kind of visceral rejection by the world of business suit-wearing alphas, and they imagine that yacht-riding CEOs like Tai Lopez or Dan Bilzerian are laughing at them, secretly mocking them because they aren’t a part of the ultra elite .00001 percent. I used to assume that we were all laughing at elites, but these days I’m finding out that most of you guys are grinding your teeth at them, masking your envy with disdain.

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This paragraph is going to be somewhat spoilery (sorry). But just look at how badly Joker wants Thomas Wayne to be his father once he realizes the possibility is there. This whole situation makes me wonder if the basic liberal mindset is one formed by paternal neglect. We’ve all seen their irrational hatred for President Trump, a primal revulsion so over-the-top and so continual that we know it doesn’t come from rational disagreement on policies – in fact, Trump virtue signals liberal values with the best of liberals, and has done so for decades. We kind of suspect that the hatred comes from some kind of *intense* childhood trauma, because we can’t think of anything else that works on such a deep level. This makes the scene where Joker reads his mother’s file so powerfully moving (spoiler coming up, spoiler spoiler). He was a nobody, from nothing, with no father, abandoned by his mom and abused by strange men. Not going to lie, I cried!

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Of course, that makes me wonder if lefty extremists just feel unloved in general, not only abandoned by parents but perhaps abandoned by something even more profound. Maybe even abandoned by God. Do their bitchasses just need to go to church? They certainly have a visceral hatred for one religion in particular, the same one villified in Hollywood movies and on Netflix. When was the last time you heard a lefty complain about Islam or Judaism?

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I loved Joker, but of course it was always a stretch to hope that this movie would perfectly snapshot the anger of conservatives or right-wingers or groypers or trads or Chads or shitposters or volcels or incels or even the bowl cut enthusiasts or whatever the fuck you want to call the people who see patterns and aren’t NPCs waiting for the next goodthink update from the powers that be. Maybe despite his emotional instability, that’s what makes Joker our representative in this era: He sees patterns, and the thoughtpolice are afraid because they think Joker could be the spark to light the powder keg because he’s not afraid to snap. He’s not afraid to be the one to start the chaos that we all know is coming anyway.

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But who am I to say this? I’m just a guy who got shot in a movie theater. That’s right, dear readers – I’m already fuckin’ dead! As the credits rolled both exit doors popped open and several three-man shooter teams rolled up with heavy heat. “We’re a lone gunman!” they all shouted as they unloaded 5.56 ammo directly into my face. “Don’t report a three-man shooter team to the police, that really messes up the narrative! We’re just one white guy!” they repeated, as they reloaded and fired into my face again and again, spaghetti and sauce shooting from my ruined sinus cavity as heavy rounds tore through my skull. A few rounds even sliced through my guts and interacted with the refreshing diet beverage I’d been drinking just like they were Mentos, and the ensuing chemical reaction caused the Diet Garbage Juice to erupt from my bullet-riddled tubing like some kind of science experiment gone awry. My jaw shook convulsively as my teeth were pulverized and I think they imagined I was talking back, and that really pissed them off. Chunks of wet meatloaf flew from my bullet-battered skull as CIA and Mossad concentrated their firepower, living in absolute terror that their victim would not be one hundred percent on board with their dumb plans for world domination.

But it wasn’t all bad. I was just happy that Joker literally mentioned SOCIETY at the end!!!

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Rambo V: Last Boomer

In Which John Rambo Traps Blue-Haired Liberal Critics in His Tunnels and Hunts Them Down!

By Kyle B. Stiff

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I’m a big fan of Rambo, but I didn’t want to see Rambo: Last Blood. Being a product of Hollywood, I assumed it would be about John Rambo going on one last mission to help Mexican prisoners escape from Trump’s concentration camps while executing police officers and ICE agents in the name of diversity. I assumed the script would be written by James Gunn (the director of Guardians of the Galaxy) or one of his clones, and would include a lot of “witty banter” between “delightfully dysfunctional” social outcasts. I hate that stuff and I wanted to remember Rambo as he used to be, before Hollywood became the propoganda arm of a cult ten thousand times worse than Scientology. However… as soon as I heard that people were getting triggered over this movie, I had to see it for myself!

And, guess what – it’s beautiful!

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Rambo: Last Blood isn’t exactly a great movie, but it’s the very thing that we needed. It has a simple story, but the timing of its release, and its focus on narratives that liberals hate, is like a lighthouse beacon for the human spirit tossed in a storm of retardation that is destroying civilization (guess I’m taking the kid gloves off with the hyperbole here). I won’t spoil anything, but the basic gist of the movie is that John Rambo is living a quiet life dealing with the demons of his past (meaning: he got to commit a lot of based war crimes back in the day), he has a niece that he dearly loves, and she gets involved with Mexican gangsters – that is, human traffickers. If you’re liberal: Yikes. Fucking YIKES. “Uh, Yikes Department? I need to file a fucking claim, please! In fact my name is Karen and I need to speak to the manager about this shit!!!”

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Every liberal film critic hated this movie, but lots of normal people (that is, unindoctrinated people) liked or even loved it. Maybe this is obvious, but sometimes it’s good to state the obvious: The entire narrative of this movie simply cannot exist within the liberal narrative of how the world works. In the liberal world, there are no Mexican drug cartels or human traffickers. There are only disenfranchised people who were not properly served by society, and therefore they must I repeat MUST be allowed to come into America. Unfortunately they can’t, because our President (who is Literally Hortler) is enforcing regressive, archaic, outdated border security laws, and is even putting Mexicans into concentration camps, including Area 51. There may even be ovens and execution squads at these concentration camps, who knows?

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Since Hollywood is one hundred percent on board with this narrative, Rambo: Last Blood hits hard because it somehow came out of the very machine that’s been retooled to ONLY churn out stories that fit within a lefty narrative. Having rejected any sort of traditional religion, and yet still being human and thus requiring some kind of religion (or at the very least, a moral framework), Hollywood has chosen DIVERSITY. “Have you heard of diversity? It’s our strength!” Within that framework, a movie that shows Mexican gangsters keeping young sex slaves drugged and confined is downright blasphemous! It doesn’t matter that this movie also has good and heroic Mexican characters; no, within the extreme leftist narrative, you are not allowed to acknowledge that a Mexican is capable of immoral behavior. It would be like saying that diversity isn’t our strength – which it is, if you haven’t heard.

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Last Ride of the Boomers

It’s been said by those wiser than me that the zoomers will be our salvation, but Last Blood is kind of interesting in that it shows a boomer getting his shit together and squeezing out enough testosterone to mow down some bad guys just to help a defenseless girl, even rocking his boomer jams while he does it. In a world where right-wing guys are beyond sick of putting up with female troubles (some are even going MGTOW) and left-wing types praise women only when they act like men, it’s nice to see an old guy butcher some bad guys in the name of chivalry. One of the bad guys even says, “Only an old fuck would come back for some cut-up bitch.” It’s sweet and strikes a deep chord, especially among guys who have a protective instinct that they aren’t allowed to use. We can’t even compliment women or hold the door open for them, much less form militias and blast suspicious border-crossers to protect women who, let’s face it, never really understand how unbelievably dark the world can be.

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In some sense, the warrior mentality idolizes females even though (real talk) they don’t deserve idolization, but it’s kind of a “necessary lie” that holds civilization together. But civilization is falling apart. Rambo’s niece Gabriela was on her way to college where she was probably going to major in Socialist Gender Theory with a minor in Antifa Combat Tactics or “How to Hate Everything (Including Yourself)”. This beautiful young lady who loved her family and her Uncle Rambo would most likely come back home for the summer overweight, her hair either blue or shaved off, with a nose ring and a bunch of tattoos, leading some indoctrinated soyboy on a leash, and berating her Uncle Rambo for his  toxic masculinity. I’m trying to be spoiler-free here, so I’ll just say that whether Gabriela was going to *have a very bad time* with Mexican drug cartel animals or have her soul mutilated by left-wing cultists, she was fated to be sacrificed either way.

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There’s a lot about Last Blood that isn’t great, but its timely nature definitely takes it out of the “okay” category and makes it far greater than its otherwise plebeian nature might have warranted a few decades ago. The shots of Trump’s wall and Rambo’s improvised Mayan revenge ritual alone make it worth our time. In an era where every movie exists only for indoctrination purposes, I don’t know how this one slipped through.

This imperfect movie taps into our very real need to protect what we’ve worked so hard to build, because we’re powerless right now. Every day we see these cultists tearing down one institution after another. Despite what you might think, people aren’t dumb. They know society is falling apart, and they know it isn’t because traditional values, which have guided civilizations for thousands of years, are suddenly the cause of our downfall. Most people can’t articulate it, but they instinctively know that people with blue hair having emotional meltdowns because an election didn’t go their way is not normal. They know that there are certain things that seem to make crime rates skyrocket, and they don’t want their neighborhoods to become scary places where kids can’t run around and have fun, and they know the blue hairs and the professors and the obnoxious celebrities aren’t going to help. And these very loud weirdos aren’t trying to debate the merits of their ideas, either; they rely on shutting down dissent through censorship, and using emotional histrionics to control weak people and bludgeon strong people into submission. The meme “Are we the baddies?” definitely applies.

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I have to admit I got a kick out of Rambo’s creator being very vocal about how much he hated this movie. It’s one of those JK Rowling moments where the creator is desperately virtue signaling in order to remain relevant. JK Rowling is the most prominent representative of this pattern, which is especially amusing when you consider the “problematic” nature of her Gringotts goblins and the stereotype they represent. Whatever the case, I’m sure it’s tough when everyone you know is a lefty, and your entire reputation depends on how hard you virtue signal in public. I can’t imagine how miserable it must be!

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CONTROVERSIAL ENDING

Anyway, when the credits rolled, I hit the exit and unexpectedly met a three-man shooter team preparing to blast everyone in the theater. I’ve played a lot of Metal Gear Solid games so I was able to use my knowledge of stealth to hide and listen in on the black ops team.

I distinctly heard their commander say, “Remember – no Hebrew.”

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I feared the worst, but the attack was suddenly called off, and I followed the killers behind the theater. They had a mobile command center set up around some innocuously labeled vans, and I saw a drugged-up white kid sitting on the curb, his eyes glazed over from a pharmaceutical cocktail that enhanced his MK ULTRA training and his willingness to be a patsy in yet another “active shooter” incident.

I watched as the shooter team fell to one knee, bowing to a holographic image of George Soros in a black robe.

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“Master,” said one of the killers, “why must we stand down? If we want to disarm the American people, or at least convince them to disarm themselves, then you know we must have more shooter incidents!”

“Of course, my young padawan,” said Emperor Soros. “But our surveillance of the theater revealed that only ancient boomers are willing to go to a matinee showing of Rambo. Nobody cares about a bunch of white-haired old men!” Before the shooter team could break down into tears after losing the opportunity to shoot a bunch of people and blame it on a drugged up white kid, Emperor Soros smiled and licked his lips.

“Postpone the mission until JOKER!” he said, cackling like a cartoon-villain.

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I broke out into a cold sweat, dear reader, and I got the hell out of there. I’m looking forward to Joker, but I’m not looking forward to being shot, so hopefully we’ll have a few more false flag attacks and… er, that is, I mean I hope we have a few more actual shootings before Joker so we can all be disarmed before it hits theaters. That way we won’t end up in the inevitable situation that *everyone* is predicting!

I’ve always wanted to live my life as a disarmed slave anyway, and if Hollywood can help out with that, then I’m all for it!

 

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Hello, Illuminati! Can I Please Watch a Godzilla Movie Without Your Dumb Ideas in It? Thank You!

By Kyle B. Stiff

“Sure would be nice to watch a movie that isn’t full of Illuminati symbolism!” This is what I said to myself when I rented Godzilla: King of the Monsters. Considering the fact that it’s a big budget Hollywood movie made in an era when the war of ideas is just a few false flag attacks away from turning into an actual civil war, I should have known I wouldn’t be able to retreat into fantasy without the elites giving the ol’ “let’s indoctrinate Kyle” idea at least one more try.

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Even though the unnameable “powers that be” seem to be losing their grip on the world, let’s go through their latest pet project in the interest of keeping tabs on them, shall we? Also, please note that I will be referring to them as the “Illuminati” just because it’s a popular term. They don’t really call themselves that, of course. Also please keep in mind that despite dozens of other blog pieces about this very same thing, the LAST thing I want to be doing is documenting still more Illuminati influence in popular culture. These people are self-important degenerates, their ideas are stale and don’t work in the real world, at this point even low IQ normies are starting to catch on to this demon-worshipping blackmail cult, and truth be told I’m sick of them and sick of noticing how they ruin what could be great projects. There are a lot of awesome fight scenes in Godzilla: King of the Monsters, and some interesting takes on the various monsters, plus I fell in love with Mothra, so there’s hope for Hollywood yet. That is, there’s hope as long as the Illuminati keep losing ground. I’m looking forward to an age when we won’t have to deal with these weird freakshows trying to influence every single movie and music video!

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In older Godzilla movies, Godzilla often fought monsters who really had it in for us. So even though nobody in the movies really liked Godzilla, protagonists were forced to accept that at least he could occasionally defend us from worse monsters. Times being what they are, when evil is good but stupid is even better, Godzilla: King of the Monsters is full of characters who worship Godzilla (or other monsters) and want humanity to be wiped out, or at least drastically reduced in number. And I’m not just talking about the bad guys!

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Population reduction is a huge tip-off that this is an Illuminati production, as that’s become one of their core ideals. If you’ve ever wondered why so many stories seem to revolve around “humans bad, nature good,” it’s because the religion of the Illuminati is based on hatred toward humans. Their upbringing includes some pretty intense abuse, so their hatred of humans may be understandable. They’re obsessed with the idea that human beings are a “virus” and that the earth is sick of us. Once you spot this philosophy in movies, you’ll start noticing it more and more often. If you’re not the kind of person who is easily indoctrinated, it can be really annoying seeing such a dumb idea pushed as if it’s common sense!

In fact, if you’re shaking your head as you read this, and you’re thinking, “Oh my God we MUST reduce human population!” then congratulations! Your bitchass has been indoctrinated!

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The Asian lady on the science team helps frame this idea from a mythological perspective: In western civilization, we slay dragons, but in eastern civilization, they worship them. The idea is framed in such a way that we are struck by the wisdom of the Orient, and feel a knee-jerk response of “aw shucks, we always got it all backwards!” Thing is, we don’t have it backwards, as an entire planet full of failed states once looked to the West for inspiration regarding ideas that help nations thrive. Ideologically speaking, dragons, and in fact all monsters, must be slain in service to humanity. This scene, in which our main protagonist finds out that the Asian lady on his team is a monster-worshipping nutjob, should have been creepy and disconcerting. The fact that she outs herself as an indoctrinated psychopath and nobody throws her off the ship tells us a lot about the kind of people putting this movie together.

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Now that I think about it, there was not just one monster-worshipping Asian in this movie, but two. Doctor Serizawa was a lizard-worshipping weirdo who wanted to die for the entire duration of the film. Like a man-made messiah he had a look of stoic resignation, no doubt horrified by so many years of being forced to live alongside “awful” humans when all he wanted to do was die in service to Godzilla. While watching the awkward scene in which he was finally able to sacrifice himself so that Godzilla could live, I could hear the emotional intensity of the music, so I understood that I was supposed to care, but I didn’t. This guy was a middle-aged doctor, so I’m assuming he taught at a university and had spent decades making kids feel guilty for being human. I used to deal with guys like him in the philosophy department all the time. It’s like, okay Guy, I get it, Communism didn’t work out – now you either need to get over it or hang yourself, and put us both out of your misery!

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Doctor Serizawa says, “Godzilla is the key to coexistence being possible.” In terms of the movie’s story, he says this because he believes that Godzilla can keep all the other monsters in check. But in terms of the Illuminati turning this movie into one of their brain-washing projects, I can’t help but think that this has to do with the weird “diversity” programming that these cultists are obsessed with. They can’t just let nations exist as they are, and let each ethnic group interact (or not interact) however they want. It bothers them to no end. Since these Illuminati cultists worship reptilians (among other weird shit), I think this idea of Godzilla being the key to coexistence is about the gods or spirits that the Illuminati worship as the key to human coexistence. This is completely wrong, of course, because we know from history that every pagan god demands human sacrifice at some point, and pagan societies are no more peaceful than any other. But, still, it’s interesting to see them play their hand concerning their reptilian-enforced diversity religion. Nobody wants diversity except these weirdos who live in gated communities, in fact diversity inevitably leads to conflict, but still, the Illuminati’s reptilian demon-gods demand it, thus “diversity is our strength” I guess!

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The name of the science team our protagonist joins is called Monarch. This is a reference to a type of MK ULTRA mind control programming. It’s blatant. If you don’t see it, or somehow haven’t noticed this in a billion movies and music videos, then don’t worry about it – you never will! I’ve been seeing this stuff for decades; it’s obvious that these people are proud of their ability to turn a human being into a mind-controlled automaton. Which is funny, when you think about it, because there are limitless ways to ruin a person’s mind and turn them into a shadow of what they could have been, but it’s incredibly difficult to turn a person into the highest and best version of themselves. In fact, we don’t even know of one sure-fire method of doing the latter. So why oh WHY are these weirdos who so desperately want to control us so freaking obsessed with their ability to ruin a human being by turning them into a “useful idiot”?

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One scene shows a recording of a happy family having fun while dressed up as bears. This is going to be a stretch, but there’s a wild theory that Bill Cooper of Behold a Pale Horse fame was not just a conspiracy theorist, but the descendant of some kind of noble family line important to the Illuminati; the person pushing this theory happened to notice that Bill Cooper throws around an inordinate amount of “bear” references in the introduction to Behold a Pale Horse, as well as a few other things. It’s an interesting theory, but ultimately, who cares? The era of conspiracy theory in which we had to decode Illuminati symbolism in order to figure them out and track their movements is at an end. We already know what they believe in, and besides, they’ve become blatant in their broadcasting. Now we just keep tabs on them. These people have contributed shockingly little to the human story, and nobody cares about Illuminati bloodlines except for indoctrinated Illuminati cultists. So there’s no need to dwell on the bear symbolism; let’s just note that it’s there and move on.

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However, it is interesting to note that the mother in that happy scene later became a dried-up, unhappy, career-oriented woman who not only destroyed her own family, but also wanted to destroy the entire world by joining a bunch of lefty eco-terrorists. It’s a surprisingly based take on the failed mother archetype when, taken together with all the other Illuminati ideals, you’d think she would be the star and savior of humanity! In the end, she did end up sacrificing herself (the Illuminati obsession with mimicking the Christ mythos) and even said, “Hail the king” (or something like that). Is this an admission that feminazi ideals serve the reptilian overlords?

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There’s an occasional glimpse of Christian symbolism that juxtaposes oddly with the Illuminati reptilian-worship diversity-cult symbolism. When King Ghidorah ascends to the “throne” of a volcano and roars in triumph, a Christian cross is shown in the city below. It’s prominent enough to let the viewer know that King Ghidorah stands opposed to the Christian ideals of the common man. This shot would make perfect sense if Hollywood wasn’t controlled by dual-citizenship types who hate the country they live in and despise Christian values, so I’m not quite sure what it’s doing in an Illuminati movie like this one. Maybe it’s just a statement that the reptilians stand opposed to the creator of the universe beloved by much of mankind?

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There’s also a bit of Christian symbolism when Godzilla falls to the earth. This is a direct reference to the Book of Revelation, when Michael casts the dragon, or Satan, out of heaven with a third of his angels. They fall to the earth like falling stars. Of course, both King Ghidorah and Godzilla are stand-ins for reptilians, so this may be indicative of reptilian in-fighting rather than an assertion that King Ghidorah is some kind of angel. Ultimately, they’re all demons.

In fact, the 2014 Godzilla movie made it clear that the monsters were demons. There was no Illuminati symbolism in that movie (at least, none that I could see, and these people are usually pretty blatant about this stuff). Seeing the monsters fight in the 2014 Godzilla movie was like watching demons locked in eternal combat in hell, a nightmarish glimpse of burning black pits where no human would ever want to go. It was intense and made the soldiers’ HALO jump that much more heroic.

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There’s another piece of symbolism that makes me wonder if maybe the creators of this film are not one hundred percent on board with the failing Illuminati agenda. It’s subtle, but it’s there. Right before the final battle, there’s a burst of wind, and it causes an American flag to stand at attention. God is often symbolized as wind, as He gives the “breath of life” to living things. Instead of the Illuminati asserting that nation-states are stupid and outdated, as they tend to constantly remind us, here we see a symbol of America being reawakened by the breath of God. Is this an admission that the Illuminati know they’re in trouble?

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Actually, it could be a strong indicator that much of this movie is the product of an oracle who isn’t necessarily loyal to Christian or Illuminati ideals. I think lots of creative types are oracles. I see this in my own stories, where a supposedly simple “good guys versus bad monsters” story will end up having unexpected prophetic bits in it. This happens in fiction fairly often. It’s not that these stories can predict the future and help us avoid bad outcomes, they’re just snapshots of an aether full of swirling images projected from a higher realm that we can’t really understand. It’s been said by people wiser than me: The creative mind is something we don’t understand, and yet everything we have comes from creativity.

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Anyway, I’ll close with a palette cleanser. Mothra stole the show. I think I love her! She’s beautiful and graceful, and has a “heavenly” presence that made me choke up a little bit. What a shocking contrast with the aura of infernal rage of the other monsters! She’s a bad biddy and can’t be manipulated by King Ghidorah’s “fake alpha” call that tricks the other monsters. She’s noticeably smaller than the other monsters, too, and delicate, but she’s got plenty of tricks and sass that she uses in battle, and (SPOILER) she even sticks by her man to the bitter end – a rare quality in this era of abandoned families and societal breakdown!

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I vaguely remember seeing Mothra in the Godzilla movies of my youth, but I was never that into her. I always liked the BDSM Hellraiser-tier monsters like Gigan. But now that I’m older and my T-levels are dropping, I can’t get over that cutie Mothra! As my sanity weakens and I continue rambling on about reptilians and the Illuminati, I’ll probably snap and start dressing like one of the girls who used to sing to Mothra and summon her in the older movies. You’ll be able to find me at random bus stops in my colorful attire, singing and dancing as I desperately try to summon a giant moth who can save us all.

 

The Lion King Is Politically Problematic!

By Kyle B. Stiff

 

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Uh oh guys, looks like the right-wing fascists at Disney are set to release a remake of The Lion King, a tale of authoritarian goose-stepping that would surely be seen as problematic to the left-wing saints gently guiding us toward utopia. In the interest of guilt-tripping everyone, I thought it might be fun to take a look at the original version of The Lion King from the perspective of the modern culture war.

The Lion King begins with a celebration of the hierarchy. Every animal species has their place in the circle of life, and the animals who are willing to submit to the hierarchy are incredibly happy. The land is fertile and green because everyone is doing what they were born to do. The elephants are stomping around and making that weird wet trumpet sound, the mice are hippety hoppeting and trying not to get squished, the ostriches are being dumb and not even attempting to fly – all is right with the world.

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It feels nice to think about the circle of life, but of course, there’s an animal at the “top” of the circle, so savvy veiwers will note that it’s more of a pyramid than a circle. Mufasa is king and he’s got a rack of ho’s tending to his business. He’s the king because his genes are absolutely incredible. He has the chin, the power, the lush mane, but he’s also a “stable genius” who never has a nervous breakdown, always wakes up early and clocks out late, and doesn’t screw over one animal to make friends with another. He is in charge, and rightly so. He’s not a tyrant, but nature chose him to be on top. This is a tough pill to swallow for the egalitarian mindset, especially since most of Mufasa’s good qualities weren’t really earned, but were given by nature. Can we rationalize why nature chose him to be king? No, that’s just how it is. Sorry, equality enthusiasts!

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The cycle continues with Simba. He’s just a dumb baby at the beginning of the story, but he’s being cheered simply for existing. This public spectacle is the very thing that drives people like Scar nuts… why shouldn’t people be cheering for him instead of Simba?! Hasn’t he suffered enough to earn a little applause?! Dealing with resentment is a big struggle in the life of every living thing. Those who allow the resentment to fester in their heart eventually succumb to a form of possession. Their souls are mutilated (thus the name “Scar”) and they cease to be beautiful. On the other hand, those who submit to the whims of nature, like the animals in our opening scene, get to sing and take part in the grand tapestry of civilization and the big story we are all working together to write and play in. Some of us will have big roles, but most of us will have small roles. If you can accept that, then the birth of Simba and the promise that a good life in a good land will continue will truly be something to celebrate.

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Unfortunately we soon find out that Simba doesn’t really understand what it means to rule. He’s the sort of person who thinks that ancient kings used to sit around and shout orders while being served heaps of food and fine wine; the reality is that leaders shoulder a burden that would crush normal people. Most of us would do anything to wiggle out of accepting responsibility. It’s absolutely terrifying. Simba thinks he’s going to continue to be adored just for existing, and in his very first song, he gets everyone dancing just to have them all pile up on top of each other and fall over like some kind of literal pyramid collapsing under its own weight. The kids in the audience are laughing but it’s ominous as hell.

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Things get even worse when Simba tries to throw his weight around in territory outside of the hierarchy. Note that just because you have a powerful hierarchy with a rigid social structure, does not mean that that structure rules perfectly everywhere. There are always areas for societal dropouts and fuckups to hang out and torment one another with their hard luck stories, an “underworld” of decay filled with the screams of the emotionally unstable.

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This is where Scar hangs out. Even though he’s a lion and occupies a high station, it’s still not enough for him. He wants to be praised for being the best, but since he isn’t the best, he has to buddy up with a bunch of scavengers and promise them the world. Free this, free that, oh, and also… revenge against those assholes who didn’t give you all the free stuff you deserve!

Scar pulls some strings and Mufasa gets trampled by the mainstream media. Simba must live in shame and Scar, being unable to win votes on his own merits, opens the borders and lets in the hyenas, thus creating a reliable voting bloc. Hyenas will always vote for Scar. The hyenas have no place in the hierarchy because they have no long-term stake in the realm. They live on decay and short-term gain. Why not loot the economy? They could have nothin’ right now, or they could have SOMETHIN’ right now. Makes sense!

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Scar gets Simba to forget who he is, or rather, what he’s supposed to be doing with his time. Simba becomes the jungle equivalent of a stoner blasting fools on Xbox with a frozen burrito thawing on a table cluttered with empty Monster cans and a surprisingly well-thought-out collection of vape pens and flavors for his e-cig habit. He’s fallen off the hierarchy and has achieved ultimate freedom. He’s a consumer, the final genetic stop in a long line of ancestors who fought to survive so that Simba, the last of his kind, could ragequit a Soulsborne game and stalk Nala on instagram. He lives in a dark pit of shame but he buries the rage by (quite rationally) pointing out how great the world is; there are plenty of bugs to eat, so why worry? Never mind that he’s a nervous, anxious wreck… that’s probably just some genetic thing, right? Surely it can’t be helped, right???

Simba eats bugs; he’s the very definition of a bugman. And Scar would have gotten away with it, too… if it wasn’t for Rafiki!

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Rafiki is the jungle equivalent of someone who keeps a constant rotation of Alex Jones episodes playing in the background while browsing articles about what the Great Pyramids of Giza were REALLY made for (impossible not to click because there’s a pic of Nikola Tesla looking real smug). Rafiki lives alone; why would he not? He’s intense, he talks to himself, he mixes herbs with his colloidal silver tonic, he has giant plastic jugs full of rice in the basement, and he’s extremely opinionated regarding his conceal carry technique (and if you’re an officer of the law who stops to ask about his open carry, believe me Rafiki KNOWS HIS RIGHTS and THEY WILL NOT BE INFRINGED).

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The thing about Rafiki is, as crazy as he looks, he was actually made to occupy one of those non-corporate public servant positions that calls for unyielding moral rectitude and the ablility to fearlessly give advice to those who typically aren’t open to criticism. His mind can go anywhere; he can talk about military or legal matters one minute and aliens or zero-point energy the next. He will never be uncomfortable no matter the subject, and is invaluable for a real king to have on his side.

That’s also why he’s perfect for radicalizing Simba.

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Simba had to get his ass beat by a girl to realize he’s not a man, and that set him on the path to listening to Rafiki’s twelve-part YouTube series (right before it was taken down) on What REALLY Happened to Mufasa (Unbelievable Disclosure!!). Halfway through the series Simba realized the things he used to think were extreme now make total sense. When the hierarchy breaks down, only force matters. Simba sees his father and all his noble ancestors smiling down on him from the heavens as he repeats that there comes a time when the tree of liberty must be watered with blood (or however the saying goes). He arms himself and goes on the offensive.

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Now that his eyes have been opened, Simba sees the truth about his home. It is an absolute dump, full of foreigners working in black market economies. The female lions either work as prostitutes or cower in their caves, afraid to walk the streets and become a statistic. People don’t like to talk about it, but the once peaceful realm has somehow become the rape capital of the savannah. Honor killings are common. Zazu, once an upright public figure, has been reduced to virtue signaling on Twitter to the applause of a bunch of blue checkmark hyenas.

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In the end, Scar is devoured by his own constituency, and Simba reclaims his dump of a home. There are no cheers for the new king as he ascends to a throne overlooking a wasteland filled with hunger and despair. There may be no applause, but at least there are roars. The people cry out, again and again, roaring like animals, silenced and shadowbanned for so long that all they can do is roar and rage and hope that future generations won’t make the same stupid mistakes.

Let’s All Drop What We’re Doing While Kyle B. Stiff Gives His Opinion About Blade Runner 2049 As Far As It Pertains to Using the Bathroom

By Kyle B. Stiff

Blade Runner 2049 was an amazing movie, but I don’t understand why Hollywood producers don’t understand why it didn’t make a lot in the box office. For one thing, nobody can hold their bladder for more than two hours, especially if they drank a giant Coke during the half hour of trailers and ads that played beforehand. Also every single person in America – even people who live in poverty – have giant TVs with beautiful high-definition pictures, and an audio setup that sounds better than movie theaters. Movie theaters jack up the volume so high that even a deaf motherfucker like me can hardly handle it. Who in the world wants to pay twenty dollars just to get blasted with sound while they need to pee, not to mention while they wonder if the person sitting behind them is going to pull out a gun and get their fifteen minutes of fame?

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Probably what they’re going to have to do for a big film release is a pay-per-view kind of thing where people can stream it from home. That’s the only option. It’s either that or have robots that blow you while you’re in the theater. I certainly don’t want big budget movies to go away. Blade Runner 2049 hit me so hard in the feels that it was like catching a glimpse of the Almighty. It was amazing. But if Hollywood producers just keep throwing up their hands and not giving the matter a little thought, then eventually we will never see anything like Blade Runner 2049 ever again. We’ll only see Madea movies and romantic comedies. That’s all that will be available.

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I just had another idea. I’m old so I remember that films, especially long ones, used to have an “intermission”. Halfway through the film, the screen would go black and music would play. You could get up, take a piss, pinch one off, have a powerful vomit, or just do whatever you needed to do so that you wouldn’t spend the last half hour bent over and holding your dick, whispering, “Don’t do this to me! Don’t do this to me!”

Maybe they could try something like that?

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