You Will Never Be a God

By Kyle B. Stiff



There’s a common idea in occult circles, and since it’s in occult circles then it’s also a part of pop culture. The idea is over-the-top goofy, but it’s been around long enough for the controversy to wear off, and it’s now more or less accepted. I used to believe it myself, until I had a few epiphanies off the beaten path. You’ve probably already guessed it, but the idea is that you can become a god.

You will never be a god. In fact, thanks to the Dunning-Kruger Effect, the further you are from godhood is directly proportional to how amazing you think you are. The trick isn’t to become a god, the trick is to accept being human, and to respect your limits.


Imagine the life of the being who either made this universe and all other universes, or at least made it possible for other beings to make this universe and all other universes. This being has a consciousness that all other minds are mere reflections of, or like crude sketches based on real life. This being was not born in a family and does not belong to a nation, otherwise it would have godlike beings stationed above it. No, the being we’re talking about is the ultimate.

Imagine the loneliness of such a being. Loneliness, and in fact any emotion, can be felt to the degree that the feeler has the necessary complication to feel it. The feeling that you call loneliness is only a shadow cast by what this being is capable of feeling. You even tell yourself that you feel lonely while you are hemmed in by others of your own kind – imagine if there were no others of your own kind, and never were, and never will be!


Boredom is also felt by this being. The fact that this universe exists is proof that such a being must feel profound boredom and crave novelty. We are even granted free will so that we won’t all line up and endlessly salute this superior being’s superiority to us. We can do whatever we want in this sandbox. We can even curse the day that we were created, if that’s what we want to do.

All this is to say that the only reason we exist is to end the boredom and loneliness felt by God. It’s not our destiny to become gods any more than it’s the destiny of ants to create spaceships. No house cat will ever write a book, no rapper will ever be as magnificent as the character they imagine when they’re making rhymes, and you will never collect enough occult Get Powerful Quick books to become a god.


I think the lesson is to be humble. If you have any creativity, then use it. It’s not yours – you’re only borrowing it – so use it to do things that will amuse others and hopefully break up the boredom felt by God. Don’t get a big head over the fact that you did something spanktastic. All that you have and all that you are is jury-rigged talent and a brief spark of awareness shed by something infinitely greater. Anything that is made and anything that is done can be wiped out without a moment’s notice, especially if it bores or offends the creator who makes it possible.

But also don’t be too humble. There’s a lot of vanity involved in making a big show of your own insignificance!


My books are available HERE.

A Mind-Blowing Encounter with Synchronicities

By Kyle B. Stiff


I had an incredible series of synchronicities that was like a peek behind the curtain which revealed evidence of a Director in charge of this strange production we find ourselves acting in.


Some background: I listen to a lot of podcasts at work, mostly fringe theory or paranormal type stuff and a totally, totally grounding dose of video game news shows, too. One show called Hidden Experiences is all about some guy trying to come to terms with his life going off the rails of the mundane. He talks about synchronicities, so I’ve been thinking about them a lot.


One day while thinking on this matter, I started listening to an unrelated podcast while walking down a hallway, and it just so happened that my butthole started to itch really bad. I thought about walking to the bathroom to take care of things, but I’d already been fucking around and needed to get back to my desk, so I decided to risk scratching deep up in my crack right in the hallway. As I turned to make sure no one was behind me, somebody on the podcast I was listening to said, “I can’t live my life looking over my shoulder.” Now, that’s not the mind-blowing synchronicity that the title of this piece is referring to, but it certainly impressed upon me the nature of this wild and unbelievable stuff!


So anyway, the other day I was listening to Hidden Experiences and there was a discussion about the “playfulness” of synchronicities. According to the interviewee, it was almost as if some intelligent force was practically wanting to be seen.

When I got out of work and was walking to the bus stop, I listened to a video game podcast called Rebel FM, in which they discussed the new FORZA racing game and the new Xbox One. My mind drifted because I can’t get into racing games, so I thought about synchronicities. A strange impulse came to me; I wanted to see a synchronicity at that moment. It wasn’t like I was a “skeptic” with his arms crossed and his face puckered up saying, “Alright, let’s see this so-called phenomenon!” No, the impulse was stranger than that, both headstrong and dreamlike.

Anyway, as I leaned back against the bus stop shelter, someone on the podcast said, “… laid back.”

I thought that was pretty cool, but it didn’t exactly blow my hair back. It could just be a coincidence, right? Anyway, I smiled to myself, then thought, “Would it be possible to have another synchronicity?” Immediately some guy on the podcast said, “You can’t turn it on and off.”


Now I was really feeling it, riding on a wave that existed somewhere outside the norm. Sensing that the universe itself was looking directly at me, waiting to see what I would do, I wondered, “I know I’m pushing it, but how about something now?

At that moment someone on the podcast said, “You have to know how to actually play the game.”

Of course this was just too much. The idea that the universe was playing a game with me made me giddy, overwhelmed by a sense that the physical world was unreal or, at most, a sort of high-end video game constantly being patched and updated by its maker. I turned about on the sidewalk because I couldn’t sit still for this sort of thing, and as I moved the strange sense came upon me again. I was facing traffic and saw many oncoming cars, and at that moment the podcast said, “You see the people facing you are driving…”

The King of All Cosmos by pinakaguwaping on deviantart.

The King of All Cosmos by pinakaguwaping on deviantart.

Four of these things in a row – are you kidding?! I began laughing uncontrollably, and just then the podcast said (and I shit you not), “You’re laughing, and it sees the appreciation on your face…”

BLAM! Five demonstrations of inscrutable other-worldly machinations brought about by mixing two channels, all in a row!

I realize that a lot of you won’t be interested in this sort of thing. Until the dust gets knocked off your pineal gland by a few encounters with unbelievable strangeness, this sort of thing means nothing. For years and years I was a hardcore materialist, so I get that. But from where I’m sitting, it looks like the universe is totally A*L*I*V*E*!

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King of All Cosmos by yiannisun on deviantart.

King of All Cosmos by yiannisun on deviantart.

Hey readers! If you like to see the veil of reality pulled aside, even if only temporarily, then be sure to check out my piece about Pee-wee’s Big Adventure and its basis in the tarot. That piece can surely suck a bowling ball through a garden hose!

You should probably check out my books, too. I’ve got an epic series called Demonworld, which is equal parts Mad Max and Lord of the Rings (think “science fantasy”), and a much-loved gamebook series called Heavy Metal Thunder which is currently a hyperlinked Kindle book but will be a fancy phone app any day now. I just recently released the second volume of Heavy Metal Thunder, which is called SOL INVICTUS.

Duncan Trussell: A Perpetually-Blossoming Blood Lotus Found in a Gray World of Endless Death

God’s in His heaven and all’s right with the world because I finally wrote about the amazing Duncan Trussell. Do you give a shit about one of the most entertaining and enlightening human beings walking around on Penal Colony: EARTH? If so, click HERE!

Found on deviantart, by barontieri

Found on deviantart, by barontieri